It is 2pm, and I haven't quite made it to the dressed and ready part of the day - ah, summer! Actually I haven't been up long, just got back from Philly, driving all night because me and my crew are mad. I did none of the driving, but stayed up from an implicit belief that if I fell asleep the car would immediately crash. I don't have that problem in trains, I frequently fell asleep over my homework spread hopelessly across my lap. Hopefully I don't snore!
As you see, I am not a trusting soul. This makes some aspects of my education incredibly difficult. It is one of my fantasies, to be able to know what varied professors and fellow students really thought about me (not only is this silly, it is incredibly self centered!). Oh what a tangled weave we web! Not to mention the problem that graduate school in general, and ministry in particular slips into the grand art of naval contemplation so easily. We spend so much time trying to hear God's "still small voice" within us, we miss all the screaming outside our walls.
It does seem at times that the most Christian thing to do would be to stop all this education, and go and "do good" in the world. This is despite the profound effect in my own life people who have dedicated their lives to theological study have had. In a strange sort of way it isn't as glamorous as the grunt work. The results of your work, good or bad, are hidden from you, there is no immediate gratification!
Or perhaps this is just my way of justifying a basically cowardly spirit and an unwillingness to engage in actual ministry.....
It's time to get dressed for church now.
Learning from Yom Kippur
2 years ago
1 comment:
I'm writing as a theologian... thanks for your bloggy musings!
I survived graduate school in theology...and now I teach. I understand what you are saying about giving up the studies and just going to do something, like a good Christian. And for some that is the way to go. I now teach ministry students, and my hope is that I can train them a little bit, help them to find that "small still voice," and that they will go out in the world and do all the good Christian things that I don't right now feel called to do.
It sounds to me like you are searching for the right path--graduate school and future study, or immediate plunge into the world of action?
Blessings on your journey, and I look forward to seeing more of your blog!
s.d.
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