It is times like these that makes a person think of hell. You see, right now it is cold. Really, really cold. In fact its cold as .... well, you get the idea. I would be the first to admit I always had a problem with hell as a concept. Still, in the course of my high priced educating, I have come across some ideas that seem to make a little bit of sense.

The idea is similar to a camp memory from so long ago. On a night time hike I was at the end of the pack. I remember turning around at one point and seeing nothing behind me but blackness. It seems to suggest a possible answer. God is light. Hell is the darkness, where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth. Turn your back on the light, you find yourselves in darkness. If, as I am coming to believe, theology speaks to us about our own human life in relation to God, rather than uncovering some abstract "fact" about God, than it makes sense that hell exists, and is created, within the human sphere. We have, as humans, one power given to us by God. It is the power to turn away, to, like Lot's wife, look behind us into the darkness.

This seems, to me at least, to make more sense. It does not mean it is true of course. There is no guarantee given to us by the universe that it makes sense to us, and I am certainly not one who may expect this kind of expertise, but we have come to expect a certain level of effability. Of course, following Blog rules, there need be no justification or sense to this blog either, much as the reader may wish for it. Cheers for now - I have to defrost my frozen sensibilities.

Aquinas's treatment of Leviticus

It long past my bedtime, and yet I am here, watching Mother Angelica. Oops, not supposed to reveal questionable watching habits. Too late now. Before you know it, I will admit I own five Chick pamphelets (though my good friend, a Jew in good standing, owns, I believe, the whole set - so I am not that bad yet!)

That is, I admit, the nice thing about not being in school. Nobody cares. No one notices that reading the Torah puts me immediately to sleep - I don't much care what the proper treatment of skin sores with discharge is - nor what the appropriate sacrifice should be; or that I think Aquinas to be frightfully boring. As long as I am in confession mode, I don't really care what the original Greek manuscript of First Corinthians actually said. Actually those poor souls charged with teaching my Bible courses probably suspect that last point and for their pain I am truly sorry.

I don't mind imperfect liturgies, nor bad homilies, nor talkative teenagers, and I am happy not to hear the phrase: "It's a matter of proper catechesis" - translated: if only the people knew better like we do... Try living life once more as the dumb oxen in the pews, it makes liturgy far more enjoyable. All this is not to say I won't be glad to immerse myself in the artificial womb of academia, where I can once more dream up far fetched ways to save humanity from itself. Let's face it, it's fun!

You see, its a matter, not so much of proper catechesis, as much as it is a matter of properly humble expectations. If you go into Christmas expecting a diamond ring, the lump of coal you actually recieve is a bit disappointing. If you go in expecting a boot to the head, the lump of coal seems a nice respite. If my professors start the semester expecting a hard working, and well-spoken scholar - they are in for some small disappointment. It's all a matter of perspective you see!


That is all for now, for now I am sleepy. I must go read me some Bible, and take me some rest. There is so many more goals to fail to reach tomorrow. It makes me tired just thinking about it.

Peace y'all!

You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth

this is one of those ubiquitous internet things - but it amuses me, and it is my blog.... So tough!


1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write that song name down no matter how outrageous it sounds.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Irish Lullaby

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Hairbrush Song

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Every Rose Has its Thorn

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
This Jesus Must Die

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
867-5309 - Jenny

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
One Headlight

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN?
Mor a cheannaich

WHAT IS 2+2?
Lady Madonna

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Rickrack

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Mo Ghile Mear

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Fair and Tender Ladies

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Lotsa Luck

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
There Are Much Worse Things To Believe In

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
You and Me

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
King Without a Crown

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Go to Sleep Little Baby

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Zydeco Gris Gris Rap

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Do You Hear What I Hear

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Turn, Turn, Turn

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Oh Holy Night

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Suzie Wants Her All Day What?

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Make Believe Town

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
The Highlander's Farewell

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
The West's Asleep

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Silent Night

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
The Little Drummer Boy

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Black Velvet

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Henry MacDermott Roe

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
You Took the Words out of my Mouth

The great clan has increased today! Let the grand holy choir take a break from their normal adoration of the heavenly throne to lend their voices to our prayer of thanksgiving today! Through that strangest of human endeavors, that of creating for ourselves our own adorable and drooly clones, these two have made their triumphant entry into this world. Which begs the question - what kind of world is it they have entered?

That is a question often asked at times such as this. Convinced as we are that this act of replication was an ill-considered idea, we seek cosmic affirmation that breeding is a bad idea. In truth, these small children are to be raised in part by my brother, the same person who thought that peanut butter, tabasco sauce, and minced onion was a good lunch time decision.... But surely their mother will protect them!

Whatever awaits these two, whether prosperity or adversity - or more likely both in their times - I wish them and their parents the best of luck. I fear for their nutrition, knowing what my brother tends to regard as food, but I do not doubt that they are already greatly loved. I give them my thoughts, best wishes, and sincere prayers, and look very much forward to seeing who they will become. Godspeed tiny nephews!

Slings and Arrows of Outrageous Fortune

It might appear at first glance as though I was not dedicated to the manly art of blogging. The life of the non computer world keeps getting in the way. So as to not lose the title of blogger with all positive and negative baggage associated with the title, I will present here another example of futility and chasing after wind. Vanity of vanities.

I always wondered what it would be like to live in a place and in a way that one felt completely at home. Perhaps it is not possible. I grew up in Hawaii, as the child of wandering New Yorkers. Even moving back to the homeland, the feeling of being terminally out of place stayed. Then I take up theology and find that there, the place I felt most at home, most at peace, I was out of place. Even nowadays, theology is a male subject.

There is perhaps a positive side to my constant lack of belonging. It is an odd sort of freedom, an absence of loyalties to protect. I know that most of my thoughts and beliefs are my own, not passed down from times long past. Tradition is a less meaningful category for those of us who did not experience very many traditions in our childhoods. In Hawaii our family was almost completely cut off from the larger family. I did not know them. I knew nothing about the family outside of the immediate family. Perhaps this is why I never felt rooted in any particular place or situation. It certainly has colored my interpretation of theology - for good or evil and right now I am not certain which it is.

Yet assent to the existence of a personal God would, I think, suggest an intentionality to our own existence. Thus there is a vitally important reason I grew up isolated in Hawaii - a racial minority even! And then lived on the east coast as a cultural minority. How many of us really believe in that though? Can we say to the abused or abandoned children of the world that there was a reason they grew up in that hell? That God wanted them to experience that? Perhaps we have taken the analogy too far, and God permits far more randomness than our theory would suggest, and that God's call would be conditional on your not getting too screwed up by your own life circumstances.

Perhaps this too is vanity and chasing after wind.

Priesthood of all believers?

I am on one year mission to find out what the priesthood of all believers actually means. I believe one should never set forth on dangerous territory without some sort of plan. Certainly leaving a degree nearly finished to teach math in high school would count as perilous under any fair sort of classification. Something I have asked myself often, and have been asked so often: What is the shape and form of ministry? Why is there a Master's of Theological Studies and a Master of Divinity? What is the effective difference between the two, and why am I being so pig-headed about getting the Mdiv? There is a difference, and an important one between the two paths of theological studies. I am trying to figure out just what that difference is.

Take it a step further. What is the priesthood? It seems to me we are missing something very important here in this definition. It is a total consecration of a person to God and to the Church. But you can be consecrated without ordination certainly. Certainly there is nothing essential about the priesthood in salvation. All that requires is the movement of God and the assent of a person. Possibly you can say that priests bring about the possibility of meeting between humanity and God. And possibly you would be right? So the priest is a teacher and nothing more? That does not seem adequate either though.

On the topic of teachers though, there is an analogy there I think. The materials the priest is given to bring Christ forth in the world is the Eucharist. They have bread and wine. The teacher is given flesh and blood. God calls us to ourselves, our true selves. It is a kind of transubstantiation that occurs, making Christ present in the lives of their students. Who am I to say that one is more real or more worthy than the other.

This is part of the answer as it stands now. This is my own way to live the priesthood in a Church that denies its possibility. Under the superficialities of materials and costume, can anyone tell me where the difference is between the minister priest and the rest of us? Not only teachers, though that is close to my heart at the moment, but also any Christian life faithfully lived out, will perform this cultic duty of creating space for God and humanity to meet, of embodying Christ.

In conclusion, I pray to the Father, "Lord, conform me to the heart of Christ, and then conform my companions to me."

A City on a Hill Cannot be Hidden

Freshman academy is over! Let the people say "yea!". I have been spending most of my waking hours in the least plausible way possible, in a Boston charter school. And why wouldn't a theology major find herself teaching high school math in a public school? Actually I also will be teaching reading and writing. I, in fact, will be teaching reading, writing, and 'rithmatic. In fact, I will actually be tutoring, but again, whose keeping score?

I have a horrified respect for the school which is kind of cult-like - especially in the wide crazy eyed passion of some of the faculty. You WILL be assimilated! And freshman academy is a large portion of that assimilation. The kids are drilled in the one way to dress, the one way to take notes, and the one way to be a good little student. I can't help wondering how long I would have lasted before my rear was shown the door. I was a quiet student in high school, but not a good one. I was, I now know thanks to the freshman teacher academy, being quietly non-compliant.

Still I worry. Are charter schools a good idea? The question of urban public education, I confess, had not, until now, intruded itself into my thought processes. And I would be the first to admit that the school is effective, but it is also very small with a very large waiting list. Thus I have that one burning question of conscience, a grand philosophical quandary. Is it better to do greatest good for a few, or to do lesser good for the many? Are the money and resources being poured into this project worth it in the end? Is it in fact vital in the end? It brings to mind a quote from Augustine which a friend of mine uses as an email tag: "Since you cannot do good to all, you are to pay special attention to those who, by accidents of time, or place, or circumstance, are brought into closer connection with you."

That being said, I have already been indoctrinated enough to know that I will make sure that "my" kids do well, even if nothing else happens! I have fallen in love with a number of the Freshmen, even if they do still intimidate me. In two weeks the rest of the school returns. Only I still don't know all the Freshman class' names. For those who enjoy a good comedy of errors, stay tuned! Updates will follow which should be interesting reading. Especially when I am forced to actually start teaching something!