Monday, May 10, 2010
Ecclesial Thoughts Whilst Composing Papers...
The definition of the laity is that they are not ordained, and not a member of a religious congregation. But more and more of the laity are getting the same training and preparation, and with the exception of confecting the sacraments, (which most religious don't do either), their day to day jobs are identical. Are they still "lay" ministers, and if so, what does that mean when it includes both those with training and expertise in theological ministries, and those without this training?
To the other objection which could be raised, that ordination constitutes an ontological change, I wonder whether three years of theological training, (alongside future priests by the way!), and ongoing chaplaincy training can really be argued not to also create "an indelible mark on the soul"? More and more these "lay" ministers will be asked to fill the roles previously filled by the ordained or religious, yet there is the linguistic problem of their title. Rightly or wrongly, it is still the prevailing opinion that "lay" is the equivalent of the prefix "sub". That these ministers are less than the ordained ones.
So could we drop the "lay" distinction? I really think it is time! So long as we are not allowed to go about in roman collars and not given faculties for celebrating the Eucharist or hearing confessions, is there any real danger that we, (especially, unfortunately for now, us women!), will be mistaken for the clergy? My friend is a minister, not a "lay" minister. And one day, if I ever get these papers done, I hope I will be also.
What thinkest thou, gentle readers?
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Nothing of Note
Before then though, I retreat in search of meaning and purpose. I am convinced that this time, I will actually find it. Except that if I actually found it what would I do with it? I suspect it is rather like the dog who actually catches the car.... But none of that despair! Come forth and discover the - the what? I have no idea. But no matter - it should be fun. And it is just possible that even I will be able to find God there. It is always nice when that happens....
Next semester includes a preaching class - which is not scheduled to be a great success. But I just have to pass. It is that greatest of all cliches - going beyond the comfort zone. Why do we have to go beyond the comfort zone? It is comfortable in that zone.
As you can see, I have nothing much to say here, but felt I should pretend to be a blogging type person.... Perhaps something of note will happen, and I will have something of some vaguely interest producing thing to write about. But probably not. I have a remarkably ordinary life...
Happy New Years to all the bloggy type people!
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Don't Touch Them!!!!
I am, in addition to being irresponsible, also annoyed and depressed about the latest liturgical dumbness. The bishops in the area have all decided all of a sudden to command (temporarily they say) the cessation of all human contact within the liturgical assembly, and the banishment of the cup from communion. Not that this is in any way detrimental to the intrinsic spiritual value of said event, or of any lasting liturgical importance, but it got me thinking about how it is getting increasingly rare to actually TOUCH another human being you aren't direct family with. I have my own doubts about the seriousness of the H1N1 epidemic - it seems they have declared wolf-flu once too often lately. But even without the fear of a deadly contagion the normal advice for pastoral workers nowadays is to avoid all touching of any kind of those we minister to.
I can't help but find the irony of having just canonized Fr. Damien. Or of the number of times Jesus touched those he ministered to, and don't tell me Jesus didn't sometimes catch a nasty cold from the unwashed masses. Either you believe in the incarnation or you don't. But in the interest of safety we are now reduced to giving the vague nod of peace to our brothers and sisters in Christ. Something's wrong here. I am not a touchy person, but even I am beginning to wonder what this hands-off approach is doing to us spiritually - especially the lonely and shy, for whom family members are hard to come by.
In academic news, I am having great fun trying to translate into English theological texts from their original English. Why is this? Although I have also rediscovered art - which probably explains my inability to focus on my readings like a good little divinity student should. It is just much more fun sometimes to sit in the sun and doodle. Luckily for me and for the kingdom, winter is coming....
That is enough prattle for now. If you feel moved to, I love comments (they make me feel all warm and special inside - and since I am not allowed to touch anyone, I need all the help I can get...)
Friday, July 24, 2009
Look! I wrote another one!
So, I said I would do it, and I have done it! The sad fact is, nobody cares. How sad.
Two more weeks of summer school - truly a purgatory for students and teachers... And I have the exciting responsibility of telling one of my poor charges they get to be a freshman again. I don't want to. I was going to tell her today, but she ran off too quickly. So she gets one more weekend of joy....
Here I stand, soon to be without job and housing - and yet I can't help but think I am not as worried about it as perhaps I should be. The grace of God working in my life, or the immature avoidance of responsibilities? I like to believe it is an expression of my enormous faith - but I am not sure I can get away with so great a tale... Still, I like to think God is looking after me. We shall see.
Perhaps the secret to this blog life is to let go of the dream of brilliance, and let the post end here. There is a deep spiritual truth in that I think. Well, perhaps not. But we'll try anyway. Good night sweet prince!
Saturday, July 18, 2009
About this Writing thing....
Part of my silence has been my confusion about a rather central point. What is my role here? Not just in the meaningless world of theological lint, but in rather more important spheres. My life of late is a slow getting used to the path ahead. If that sounds a little cryptic, I don't care. I can't bring myself to be more explicit than that. Perhaps one day I will be able to accomplish so great a task.
I am nearly done with my year of exile, and I am both happy and sad to realize that. This year at the high school was something I was certain was beyond me, and that I was foolish to even try. I survived! I do feel most of my fellow tutors did a more competent job than I did, and that I am right to think my vocation is not to education. But I had fun, and I think some of my kids may actually have learned something they would not have known if they had not run into me. This is a pretty heady sensation. It is now time to say goodbye, and I am ready to return to the artificial world of education, and the full time search for my exact place in God's ministry.
In the interim, I must find a job and lodgings, and bring myself to complete financial ruining paperwork. God help me! I feel odd borrowing money to get a degree that will qualify me to get a job where poverty is certain, whether or not a specific vow is made to that end...
For those who are inclined, say a prayer for my precarious immediate future, and we'll see how long my new dedication to the blog goes...
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Random Notage
I have gotten used to the college school year length, and am getting a little tired of this school year. Two weeks of classes left. On and on and on.... I think I have learned something very valuable this year. I have learned that I don't want to teach high school. I like the kiddies, its grammar I detest.
I was reading my local diocesan rag - the one I never actually subscribed to, so I'm not sure why it keeps showing up at my door... An editorial there about the utter evil of Obama argued that faith was the opposite of doubt. I have to wonder if this is true. I certainly hope not. Otherwise the world is getting one more faithless theologian, and do we really want that?
Now that my year long vacation from school is drawing to a close, I am both too excited to stand it to get back to being obscurely irrelevant, and dreadfully frightened that I have once more completely mistaken the direction the Spirit is leading. What does one do with an M.Div. in the end? Should I, instead of throwing many thousands of dollars into a black hole of education, go and start community gardens (despite my not being able to grow mold...) Here I have faith (trust) that the Spirit knows where she is going, but I also have several buckets worth of doubt about it. If you are completely certain, you are completely dead. I hope...
On the plus side, I am now an absolute wizard at finding the slope of a line!
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Despite the snow, let us participate in the ancient pagan rites of spring - renewed in the baptism of Love. Yet I am the first to admit I do not understand as I should. The Paschal Mystery - but I want the light. Jesus saves us. Just don't ask me how, why, or from what! I hope one day to earn the privileged right of understanding. Jesus saves us from our darkness, but where does the darkness come? Where does anything come, if not from God?
Love and life oozes from the world - from every barren, rocky wasteland. The presence of God in all creation, yet never completely permeating everything. There is darkness still, or so it seems to me. How did Christ save us from this? Or is it something else?
Regardless of all the chilly wind, and uncertain thoughts, I wish Easter blessings and new life upon all this year.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
blah blah balk sheep...
Welcome to the dearth of time, February. Those calender nerds will point out perhaps that it is in fact January, and I will point out that in fact I didn't ask them, and then they will hit me, and I will hit them back - and then the chairs and statuary....
What I am trying to say is that such inflexible thinking leads to violence and war, and it is time to stop in the name of peace!
I hope I do not disappoint my loyal reader (hi mom!), but what can I say. In the absence of rigorous tutelage, my brain is slowly disintegrating and melting out of my ears. By the way, if there is someone out there who is not my mom you should drop me a note, make me feel less lonely. I don't imagine there is, but we can always dream...
This is, I suspect, one of those meaningless activities, without which our lives would be meaningless! The rituals, the great vaults, the darkened stained glass windows, the gilded tabernacles - none of these truly hold reality now do they? It all at times seems so terribly trite; tacky shadows of a much grander reality perhaps. Or perhaps not, perhaps it is just wishful thinking that makes us think that there is some grander version of reality out there...
Yet these gauche sacraments are made sacred by what they hold in trust. They give that grander reality a space a place to breathe - to dream - to live, and breathe, and have its being. That is why, roll our eyes as we might at all the silly little ceremonies, don't most of us still participate in them? The lights go out and we all sing "happy birthday". Someone sneezes and we say "bless you" Why? The only answer seems to be, "because...."
Well Mom, or anyone else out there - what do you think?
Friday, January 16, 2009
The idea is similar to a camp memory from so long ago. On a night time hike I was at the end of the pack. I remember turning around at one point and seeing nothing behind me but blackness. It seems to suggest a possible answer. God is light. Hell is the darkness, where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth. Turn your back on the light, you find yourselves in darkness. If, as I am coming to believe, theology speaks to us about our own human life in relation to God, rather than uncovering some abstract "fact" about God, than it makes sense that hell exists, and is created, within the human sphere. We have, as humans, one power given to us by God. It is the power to turn away, to, like Lot's wife, look behind us into the darkness.
This seems, to me at least, to make more sense. It does not mean it is true of course. There is no guarantee given to us by the universe that it makes sense to us, and I am certainly not one who may expect this kind of expertise, but we have come to expect a certain level of effability. Of course, following Blog rules, there need be no justification or sense to this blog either, much as the reader may wish for it. Cheers for now - I have to defrost my frozen sensibilities.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Aquinas's treatment of Leviticus
That is, I admit, the nice thing about not being in school. Nobody cares. No one notices that reading the Torah puts me immediately to sleep - I don't much care what the proper treatment of skin sores with discharge is - nor what the appropriate sacrifice should be; or that I think Aquinas to be frightfully boring. As long as I am in confession mode, I don't really care what the original Greek manuscript of First Corinthians actually said. Actually those poor souls charged with teaching my Bible courses probably suspect that last point and for their pain I am truly sorry.
I don't mind imperfect liturgies, nor bad homilies, nor talkative teenagers, and I am happy not to hear the phrase: "It's a matter of proper catechesis" - translated: if only the people knew better like we do... Try living life once more as the dumb oxen in the pews, it makes liturgy far more enjoyable. All this is not to say I won't be glad to immerse myself in the artificial womb of academia, where I can once more dream up far fetched ways to save humanity from itself. Let's face it, it's fun!
You see, its a matter, not so much of proper catechesis, as much as it is a matter of properly humble expectations. If you go into Christmas expecting a diamond ring, the lump of coal you actually recieve is a bit disappointing. If you go in expecting a boot to the head, the lump of coal seems a nice respite. If my professors start the semester expecting a hard working, and well-spoken scholar - they are in for some small disappointment. It's all a matter of perspective you see!
That is all for now, for now I am sleepy. I must go read me some Bible, and take me some rest. There is so many more goals to fail to reach tomorrow. It makes me tired just thinking about it.
Peace y'all!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth
1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write that song name down no matter how outrageous it sounds.
IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Irish Lullaby
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Hairbrush Song
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Every Rose Has its Thorn
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
This Jesus Must Die
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
867-5309 - Jenny
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
One Headlight
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN?
Mor a cheannaich
WHAT IS 2+2?
Lady Madonna
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Rickrack
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Mo Ghile Mear
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Fair and Tender Ladies
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Lotsa Luck
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
There Are Much Worse Things To Believe In
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
You and Me
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
King Without a Crown
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Go to Sleep Little Baby
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Zydeco Gris Gris Rap
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Do You Hear What I Hear
WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Turn, Turn, Turn
HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Oh Holy Night
WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Suzie Wants Her All Day What?
WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Make Believe Town
WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
The Highlander's Farewell
WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
The West's Asleep
WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Silent Night
DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
The Little Drummer Boy
IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Black Velvet
WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Henry MacDermott Roe
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
You Took the Words out of my Mouth
Monday, November 10, 2008
That is a question often asked at times such as this. Convinced as we are that this act of replication was an ill-considered idea, we seek cosmic affirmation that breeding is a bad idea. In truth, these small children are to be raised in part by my brother, the same person who thought that peanut butter, tabasco sauce, and minced onion was a good lunch time decision.... But surely their mother will protect them!
Whatever awaits these two, whether prosperity or adversity - or more likely both in their times - I wish them and their parents the best of luck. I fear for their nutrition, knowing what my brother tends to regard as food, but I do not doubt that they are already greatly loved. I give them my thoughts, best wishes, and sincere prayers, and look very much forward to seeing who they will become. Godspeed tiny nephews!
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Slings and Arrows of Outrageous Fortune
I always wondered what it would be like to live in a place and in a way that one felt completely at home. Perhaps it is not possible. I grew up in Hawaii, as the child of wandering New Yorkers. Even moving back to the homeland, the feeling of being terminally out of place stayed. Then I take up theology and find that there, the place I felt most at home, most at peace, I was out of place. Even nowadays, theology is a male subject.
There is perhaps a positive side to my constant lack of belonging. It is an odd sort of freedom, an absence of loyalties to protect. I know that most of my thoughts and beliefs are my own, not passed down from times long past. Tradition is a less meaningful category for those of us who did not experience very many traditions in our childhoods. In Hawaii our family was almost completely cut off from the larger family. I did not know them. I knew nothing about the family outside of the immediate family. Perhaps this is why I never felt rooted in any particular place or situation. It certainly has colored my interpretation of theology - for good or evil and right now I am not certain which it is.
Yet assent to the existence of a personal God would, I think, suggest an intentionality to our own existence. Thus there is a vitally important reason I grew up isolated in Hawaii - a racial minority even! And then lived on the east coast as a cultural minority. How many of us really believe in that though? Can we say to the abused or abandoned children of the world that there was a reason they grew up in that hell? That God wanted them to experience that? Perhaps we have taken the analogy too far, and God permits far more randomness than our theory would suggest, and that God's call would be conditional on your not getting too screwed up by your own life circumstances.
Perhaps this too is vanity and chasing after wind.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Priesthood of all believers?
Take it a step further. What is the priesthood? It seems to me we are missing something very important here in this definition. It is a total consecration of a person to God and to the Church. But you can be consecrated without ordination certainly. Certainly there is nothing essential about the priesthood in salvation. All that requires is the movement of God and the assent of a person. Possibly you can say that priests bring about the possibility of meeting between humanity and God. And possibly you would be right? So the priest is a teacher and nothing more? That does not seem adequate either though.
On the topic of teachers though, there is an analogy there I think. The materials the priest is given to bring Christ forth in the world is the Eucharist. They have bread and wine. The teacher is given flesh and blood. God calls us to ourselves, our true selves. It is a kind of transubstantiation that occurs, making Christ present in the lives of their students. Who am I to say that one is more real or more worthy than the other.
This is part of the answer as it stands now. This is my own way to live the priesthood in a Church that denies its possibility. Under the superficialities of materials and costume, can anyone tell me where the difference is between the minister priest and the rest of us? Not only teachers, though that is close to my heart at the moment, but also any Christian life faithfully lived out, will perform this cultic duty of creating space for God and humanity to meet, of embodying Christ.
In conclusion, I pray to the Father, "Lord, conform me to the heart of Christ, and then conform my companions to me."
Friday, August 22, 2008
A City on a Hill Cannot be Hidden
I have a horrified respect for the school which is kind of cult-like - especially in the wide crazy eyed passion of some of the faculty. You WILL be assimilated! And freshman academy is a large portion of that assimilation. The kids are drilled in the one way to dress, the one way to take notes, and the one way to be a good little student. I can't help wondering how long I would have lasted before my rear was shown the door. I was a quiet student in high school, but not a good one. I was, I now know thanks to the freshman teacher academy, being quietly non-compliant.
Still I worry. Are charter schools a good idea? The question of urban public education, I confess, had not, until now, intruded itself into my thought processes. And I would be the first to admit that the school is effective, but it is also very small with a very large waiting list. Thus I have that one burning question of conscience, a grand philosophical quandary. Is it better to do greatest good for a few, or to do lesser good for the many? Are the money and resources being poured into this project worth it in the end? Is it in fact vital in the end? It brings to mind a quote from Augustine which a friend of mine uses as an email tag: "Since you cannot do good to all, you are to pay special attention to those who, by accidents of time, or place, or circumstance, are brought into closer connection with you."
That being said, I have already been indoctrinated enough to know that I will make sure that "my" kids do well, even if nothing else happens! I have fallen in love with a number of the Freshmen, even if they do still intimidate me. In two weeks the rest of the school returns. Only I still don't know all the Freshman class' names. For those who enjoy a good comedy of errors, stay tuned! Updates will follow which should be interesting reading. Especially when I am forced to actually start teaching something!
Friday, August 8, 2008
The only way to get published!
I wrote this and sent it to my local diocesan newspaper which had an inexcusably weak argument against women's ordination. This is my attempt at a response. What do you think?
I write this without the expectation that it will ever see the light of day, but if I could help, even in this small way, to raise the caliber of the discussion, then I have done some good today. I am writing in response to an editorial piece on the group Womenpriests in the August 8 issue. To start my argument with all my cards on the table, I must confess I am sympathetic to these women who have gotten themselves ordained although I could wish they worked less on rebellion and more on actual change. Nevertheless, I do not fault a diocesan newspaper for taking the side of official Church teaching. What I do object to is your employing of such poor arguments to do so.
Your arguments, as presented in the editorial and as I understand it, are as follows. First that for ordination women are not valid “matter”, that Jesus did not ordain women at the Last Supper, and finally that ordination was “more than just a game of holy tag”. I will overlook the oblique quip equating those who question the Church’s teaching with Lucifer, since I believe I have sufficient material without such pettiness. Were I to be so petty I would feel called to chastise your use of quotation marks around “bishop” when referring to the Anglican Communion’s recent assent to female bishops. Agree with them or not, Anglican bishops are Anglican bishops, validly ordained according to the teachings and discernment of the Anglican Communion.
My main concern is with your major argument regarding proper “matter” for sacraments. This, if I may, is not the strongest presentation you could make. It borders dangerously on magical thinking. It is not a matter, so to speak, of gathering the proper ingredients and reciting the proper incantation. This sounds more like magic than sacramental theology. Rather I would argue these women are not truly ordained for a far simpler though less glamorous reason. In order for a sacrament to be valid the minister must intend what the Church intends. This is the same reason, of course, that a validly ordained priest can’t go into a bakery full of fresh baked valid matter and consecrate the store. The priest does not intend what the Church intends.
As for your second argument that Jesus did not ordain women, this argument frankly has always mystified me despite my efforts to understand (faith seeking understanding!). It does not seem to me that Jesus ordained anyone, especially in the modern sense. The twelve apostles were not the only ministers instituted by Jesus. I would bring to your remembrance the seventy sent out on missions. There is no indication that Jesus had the ministerial priesthood in mind at the Last Supper. The priesthood and all the structures of the Church are a product of the Spirit’s movements in and through history. There is a seamless evolution from the actions of Jesus and the movements of the early Church. We need not trace the priesthood to Jesus’ overt intentions. History and Tradition are important.
However, history gets tricky, which is perhaps why current arguments steer clear of it. You mention that male domination has nothing to do with Holy Orders, and in God’s economy it has nothing to do with it. Unfortunately the human history of this very issue is dangerous ground indeed. Historically male domination was not only part of the issue; it was the whole of it! The thinking then was that women were not valid “matter” because of their deficient natures. I need only reference Thomas Aquinas’ argument about this very issue – so much for it being a novel issue!
As a parting blow, and this is I admit my weakest point since this traverses the area of mystery, I question your assertion that historical circumstance would have no bearing on Jesus. If we take the humanity of Jesus seriously, than such things must have had an effect on him. Jesus was not God wearing a human suit. This is the wonder and marvel of the incarnation – that the second person of the Trinity truly entered into our humanity. He became truly man even as he was truly God. How this works is a mystery, and I would not presume to know exactly how and what Jesus thought, but to say with the certainty you employ in your article that Jesus would remain unmoved by his historical time does seem to me to deny the fullness of his incarnation.
In conclusion, the only argument needed, and really the only argument I consider valid, is one of obedience. In obedience to the light given to it, the Church at this moment does not allow this. Therefore to act contrary to this is not to be doing what the Church intends. It is not magic. God does not obey the commands of humanity because we have gathered the correct “stuff” but acts in loving communion with the Body of Christ, and the Church which was the natural historical expression of this heavenly reality.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
They jumped in the boat and the boat tipped over...
Me and my cabin mates, which include the aforementioned three year old, decided it would be great fun to canoe on the nearby lake. I, for the record, wanted to take the row boat instead. It was a nice day, and the troops were happy as we set sail (set paddle?). Various groupings of people went out, usually with all the kids in the canoe. In hindsight, that may have been a mistake. As a final trip, I took the front, with the three year old at my feet, and two kids in the back of me, in front of the helmsman.
Our trip was going well, as we paddled by the swamps, and headed back to enjoy a day of possibly swimming. Along the way some friendly insect life came on board. Of course the rear child gleefully reported to her mate in front which of the friendly insects were on her back. Convincing the bug victim to stop wriggling took some time, and the canoe began to take on water. At that point the three year old demanded I give him the paddle. The helmsman decided to shift positions slightly, and even more water began to splash over the side.
At a certain point one realizes that one is doomed. That no amount of skill and hard work will do a bit of good. The time is usually when one wonders what one has in her pocket (it's amazing what goes through one's mind when one is under stress - one is afraid this proves that one is very shallow and petty). So there I was, in the middle of a Vermont lake with one child clutching my back while I clutch the small one, hoping their mother isn't gonna kill me, should we all survive... And my copilot rips off his life jacket and announces he is gonna tow us all to the shore. The bug informer appears for all the world to be enjoying herself!
It is a good thing all in all that this lake is not an isolated one, though I do wonder if my copilot would have made it. But our rescue came in the form of some nice locals with a power boat. We uploaded the children, including the unrepentant bug informer, and tied the canoe to the line, leaving us poor adults to hoof (fin?) it on our own (though a passing kayak gave me a pull for a time). It was quite the rescue operation!
Now was death a real possibility? Maybe, but I suspect not. Still it was funny floating there, almost completely helpless. What is worse, is to be obliged to be the help and support of the children, when all you can do is hang onto them, and make them think you are in complete control and not helpless in the middle of the lake. It is our inherent belief that everything will be all right. But that is not true. Things may go very horribly wrong. Sometimes all you can hope for is that you will not be abandoned in the middle of the lake, and that someone who appears to know what they are doing is holding you up. But for now, I must deliver our muffins to the crew of the powerboat.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
theological naval contemplation
Patience, Jen, we must have patience. Patience is a virtue after all.... We will sit quietly here and listen to the voice of God, and.... Ah heck it. Who am I kidding? I wouldn't know the voice of God at this point if God knocked me off a horse and shouted at me. Don't worry, I am well enough trained in theology to know whose fault that is. That's right it is my parents' fault (or at the very least the government's!).
Luckily though I have been thus far protected from dealing seriously with a religious vocation by a school loan debt approximately the size of the annual gross domestic product of a small nation. Therefore my current crisis of faith is merely an inconveniently uncomfortable bit of trivia. No doubt the good Lord put irresponsible loan officers in my naive path so that I would be saved from doing anything too rash. (Exactly what sort of income was she thinking an art major was going to pull in right out of college? It seemed so much easier back then. Just one of my stupider moves!) Obviously I was not a business major. However, I am certain that with an MDiv, the money will soon start rolling in.
Right now I am feeling rather like the field of weeds from two Sundays ago. The seed was planted, and grew up, and was choked by the cares and circumstances of actual day to day living and breathing. Eventually you must leave your mountain top and find some loaves and fishes to eat, and at least so far, Jesus has not been by to bring me my dinner. The thing is, weediness is a feature of everyone's field. How is it that the seed manages to grow in some of these weedy fields?
"It's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light, it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah."
Its a strange and wondrous thing, is it not? This beautiful vision before us, more real and more beautiful to us than even our own selves. This other, this Lover, the Hound of Heaven. And yet the moment I reach out to touch this person, this very real person, suddenly there is nothing! God will not be mastered, and will never be possessed - certainly not by the likes of us. But sometimes I need to hold something of the mystery, even as this mystery holds us.
Ah well, must go and do something useful now.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
A breeze for the sails
Isaiah in today's reading promised that the way of the just was smooth, and judging by the glass like water my boat is sitting in, I can't really disagree. I need the good Lord to stir up the waters a bit, make my way a little less smooth, I am sick of this placid calm. (all the while I am aware of the maxim be careful what you wish for....)
Tonight's psalm comes to us from the prophet Clash: Should I stay or should I go? If you say that you are mine, I'll be here until the end of time. But you got to let me know. Should I stay or should I go?
All those listening and inclined to do so, should pray for this poor stranded mariner. Until then I await further instruction....
